How to Deal With Grief on Mother’s Day
Mother's Day is hard when you're grieving. Whether you are grieving the loss of mothers, grandmothers, or children, or dealing with complicated relationships and estrangement, this day may bring up intense feelings of sadness and resentment. For others, the ache to become a parent intensifies due to infertility or circumstances, making Mother's Day particularly difficult.
As we approach Mother's Day, the anticipation can stir a wide range of emotions. There are many types of loss that make Mother’s Day difficult, and often, this grief can be minimized. It's important to acknowledge that while society might minimize the grief because "time has passed" or "life must go on," your feelings are valid and significant. Common platitudes like "it could always be worse", which is my least favourite saying, are not always comforting.
So often, people suffer in silence. Sometimes, we don’t want to talk about our grief and its complexity because others might think we are looking for sympathy or living in the past. Perhaps we don’t want to put a damper on celebrations, so we hide the truth – that it genuinely hurts.
In my role as a grief counsellor, I often advise clients to prepare for significant days like Mother’s Day with a plan that can be adapted as needed. Having a plan and being prepared to toss that plan out the window if it doesn’t feel right. Creating a schedule for self-care and checking in with yourself in the days leading up to Mother's Day is crucial.
Here’s how to deal with grief on Mother’s Day:
Limit Social Media Exposure
Social media can trigger a spectrum of emotions. Some additional feelings that may arise over the loss of a loved one may include, but are not limited to:
Anger
Longing
Yearning
Sadness
Bitterness
Alienation
Despair
Loneliness
These feelings can be exacerbated over things like seeing posts on social media. The joy of others' celebrations might simultaneously make you feel sad for your loss. It's perfectly normal to experience this duality, which can lead to feelings of confusion and guilt. Reducing your social media consumption can be a helpful strategy to reconnect with your own emotions and determine your needs for the day.
Embrace Your Unique Grieving Process
As an online grief counsellor, one thing that is apparent after meeting with hundreds of clients is that grief is as unique as a fingerprint. It's easy to fall into the trap of thinking we should grieve in a certain way. These expectations can prevent us from experiencing the full range of emotions our grief brings. It’s important to allow yourself the grace to feel whatever comes up.
We offer a free grief and loss workbook which helps people begin to identify and process emotions. This can be a first step to becoming more aware of your feelings around the loss of a loved one or a difficult transition that may be causing feelings of grief.
Ideas to Commemorate Mother’s Day
There is no right or wrong way to commemorate Mother’s Day when navigating grief, but here are some ideas to help you plan:
Tell stories or share memories of your parent/child with others
Talk about your grief in safe places
Say their name
Move your body
Create special crafts, photo albums or scrapbooks in remembrance
Cook or share your parent’s special recipes
Write a letter about your grief and how you’re feeling
Think about the young version of you who needed your parent/wanted things to be different
Meditate as you “take a walk” with your parent or visit their grave
Donate to a charity or volunteer in their honor or yours
Find closure for unresolved issues by attending a grief support group
Seek 1:1 therapeutic support
Our online grief counsellors in Vancouver offer virtual therapy across Canada. Book a complimentary 15-minute call to find the right support for you!
Remember, navigating grief on Mother’s Day is deeply personal. Be gentle with yourself.
If you need additional support, consider reaching out to a professional grief counsellor in Vancouver or find counselling resources and support in dealing with grief, trauma, burnout, and life transitions.
Written by: Amelia Bradaric
Amelia is a Registered Therapeutic Counsellor specializing in complicated grief, trauma and post traumatic growth, as well as, the clinical director of Adventuring Loss.
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